I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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