Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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