I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
