Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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