turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
