I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
