In the future we'll all be gay
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
