Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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