1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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