do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
