just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
