return my video game
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she woke up with a sticky ear
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
