I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
