I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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