Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
