is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
