I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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