How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
