Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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