For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
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