My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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