she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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