Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
