I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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