You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
