All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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