Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
