you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
