I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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