i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
