why didn't you poke me back
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
