I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
