wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
