Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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