Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
