Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Damn victory sex feels great
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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