i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
