let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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