Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
