Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
