you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
