pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
