3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
