ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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