About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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