i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
