Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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