She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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