you traded sex for a burrito?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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