I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
