Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He? As in you personified your dick?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
