I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
