When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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