I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
