Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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