I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
