Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
and you fell through a lawn chair
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
