I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
