im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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