I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
