He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
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i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
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Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.