I swear she didn't look like that last week.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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