I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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