She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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