I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
